Holy $h*t, Turning Oil to Water

I'm all set to fly out to Trivandrum and I'm filled with hope - the hope that the seawater in Veli, near Trivandrum would turn sour. If that happens, I plan to get some sweet seawater from Mahim in Mumbai. You see, I have this great recipe for a Chinese sweet and sour pork dish that I want to try out and this would be a great chance. The best thing is the water also has salt in it. I only have to put the pork in and wait for the water to do the rest for me. Maybe, a little heat.

I hope all of you, being Internet-savvy, must have by now heard of the seawater turning sweet in Bombay, and also of the Hindu idols drinking milk and Mother Mary dripping perfumed water. Personally, I am always fascinated by such news. I read all the news available on these miracles and fervently wished I could be part of them. But I was in Kitami, a land-locked place and the nearest seawater (about an hour's drive away) probably tastes of soy sauce. So, I decided to pray for sour seawater in Trivandrum on my arrival and also some other things.

Let's take the Bombay miracle. It happened near a Muslim dargah, to which (and a Sufi saint) the miracle is attributed. Considering that Islam doesn't have any idols or pictures to drink or drip liquids, this was a perfectly acceptable solution (seawater). The people who collected the water and drank it said it could cure illnesses and I believe them. If you're brought up on that water, sweet or no sweet, you'll probably be immune to most diseases. Except, maybe something like brain tumour. The good thing is, they don't have to worry about brain tumour. That is because brain tumour, as the name suggests, requires a brain as a prerequisite. And in this case, I have my doubts.

If you believe the news people, the next day Hindu gods started drinking milk and a day later Mother Mary dripped perfumed water. Were the Hindu gods thirsty? Was Mother Mary thinking of launching her own line of perfume? Were they feeling threatened by the Muslim miracle? We'll never know. Anyway, one thing that bothers me is that though you hear of these dripping and drinking every now and then, they die out after some time. Why is that? Is it because the dripping/drinking stopped or is it because people just thought that it is no more a miracle if it keeps happening everyday. Remember Sai Baba? He used to conjure up Rolex watches from his toupee. Whatever happened to that? You don't hear that anymore. Did he stop doing that?

Sai Baba: Here's a Rolex for your troubles.
Disciple: Baba, I was expecting a Tag Heuer. Rolex is so passe.
Sai Baba: Take it or leave it, dude.
Disciple: Cool!

Also, you only hear of milk or perfume or sweet stuff. How about some realistic bad things? A foul, gaseous release from a god picture, or say a goddess secreting milk from where milk ought to secrete. Again, why only these small scale things? I admit the seawater miracle was reasonably large scale, but still, it was only in Mahim.
On a personal level, I would like to see miracles on a larger scale. Need not be complex. So, in addition to the prayer for sour seawater in Trivandrum, I decided to ask for another thing that would solve a lot of problems (of course, while creating some other problems). That is, to turn all the oil in the Persian Gulf* to water. Plain, tepid, potable water. Nothing complicated. In fact, a precedent was already set a couple of thousand years ago in the same neighbourhood when one liquid (water) was changed to another (wine). It, therefore, shouldn't be a big deal.

Think of the positives. The Americans will be out of the region in a jiffy. The Arabs and Israelis will continue fighting but the world won't care. They might even work out some arrangements without the unwanted meddling from America. Maybe a ritual sacrifice of each other's population based on a mutual agreement. The negative is the sudden increase in population in Kerala because of all the mallus coming back from the Gulf. Hmm, maybe a god could turn all those backwaters into oil. Backoil anyone? But on second thoughts it is not a good idea, because of the jiffy effect. America will be in Veli in a jiffy, in their F 16s, Hummers and all, spreading democracy and liberty to the poor mallus currently suffering under commie rule and also to help protect the oil resources.

* Persian Gulf...Persia - When I was a small kid, all those people in Kerala used to go to Persia and not the Gulf as it is known today. I had uncles who worked in Persia. Persia denotes Iran, which is different from the Arabian countries of the region and though all of them worked in Arab countries, people still referred to the area as Persia. The Arabs don't like to call it the Persian Gulf. They call it the Arabian Gulf. All those western governments (and Japan) and companies who want to suck up to the Arabian countries call it the Arabian Gulf when dealing with them, though in regular usage they still use Persian Gulf. Japan, China and Korea also are fighting for the name to be given to the sea that separates them. India luckily has the ocean thingy. If you think of it India is the only country with an ocean named after it. I'm still not satisfied. I want to rename Arabian Sea. Call it the Mallu Sea or something like that.