The Return of the Naive - Moving to India
I decided to shift my base to India for a few months as part of a larger plan to live in my country permanently in the future. Such a move is a big event in anybody's life. Any event, I learned after living in Japan, has to follow certain rules to be considered seriously. These include 1) an event "theme song," preferably sung by some teenage pop idol group, 2) an event "character" (also known as mascot in English) and 3) an event "logo".
Since I'm allergic to teenage pop idols, I decided to look for some golden oldies. Some misguided people would have preferred a song like "sare jahan se accha, Hindustan hamara", which could be translated to "better than any other place, our India". Not me. I'm a realist and have seen other places. I opted for a Mukesh/Raj Kapoor number, which was also on the lips of Gibreel Farishta in Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses. "Mera jhoota hai Japani" translation from Satanic Verses - "O, my shoes are Japanese; These trousers are English, if you please; On my head, Russian hat; My heart is Indian for all that". This song, I feel is more suited to the occasion and to make it up-to-date you might have to make some minor changes such as "My shoes are from China, the rest of the stuff are also from China, Even the red hat is from China, but my heart is Indian for all that".
Next was the theme "character". This is very important because
you have to sell what is known in Japanese as "character gudzzu"
in association with any event. The gudzzu (or goods) range from cellphone
straps and jockstraps to coffee mugs all imprinted with the (kawaii or
cute) character. I decided on the national bird of Kerala, the mosquito
and named the character "mosquee-chan." The gudzzu will be on
the market once I find an appropriate (Chinese) manufacturer.
With the song and character decided, I spent some time on deciding the
logo. After walking around in Tokyo for 45 minutes, it dawned on me like
the tsunami warning that hit the God lady (see GEWS) 45 minutes before the waves hit Kerala. I was moving from a country where
even the rivers are concreted to another place that is equally obsessed
with concrete. The "concrete coconut leaf" was to be my logo.
This leaf will be painted green on special occasions for visiting dignitaries.
All set. I was on my way. A post 7/7 South Asian man with a backpack in an airport sets off lot of beeps. I think they purposely press some switch whenever I pass through the metal detector giving them a reason to body check me. I was asked to remove my shoes, my belt etc. It still beeped. So, they checked me manually and then apologized for the troubles. The domestic flight to Tokyo was pleasant. The Japan Airlines "clew" thanked us for "frying" with them. I thanked them for "freecing" me with exorbitant fares. The beeping and body check routine was repeated in Narita for the Int'l leg and after a tiring journey we landed at Trivandrum so-called International Airport. The national bird (mosquee-chan) and thundershowers welcomed us at the tarmac and after a bumpy ride on new improved roads we reached home.
It was settling down procedures from the next day on and in due course I realized that I was naive to believe the hype. My first priority was to get a telephone line and broadband connection. My bro and friends had convinced me before my trip that it'd take only a few days. I applied for a line to BSNL, the telephone dudes. A few days passed. Nothing happened. A week passed and I called up their "call centre". They gave me a number. A two or three year-old kid answered and then a maidservant took the phone from the kid. Turned out to be someone's house. I called back BSNL and got another number. This was answered by a BSNL guy, who gave me another number, where I was given a third number to call. At the fourth number, a lady gave me another number. No one answered when I tried the new number. I called back the fourth number lady. She asked me to call after 2:30. I looked at my watch and saw it was 2:45 p.m. She might have meant after 2:30 in the early morning. Y'know, "the times they're a changin". Everything is 24/7 perhaps. I gave up for the day and called back the next day (after 2:30, i.e. around 10 a.m.) and this time a guy answered and everything was quick after that. Then it was the turn of the Internet connection, which took another two, three days, and finally here I am connected to the global community. (I still haven't got the BSNL e-mail id, which for some reason is done by somebody else and takes a few days.)
Still, two weeks is not a bad pace. In fact, that was my initial estimate before I fell for the hype from guys here. I'm looking forward to the rest of my stay, which I'm sure is going to be extremely entertaining.